What makes a family

   

By Saleemah

It was supposed to be a sunny day. My wedding day, that is. We all planned a great in one of the Spanish islands, where we were to be married barefeet. It all sounded good, of course, until we heard about the storm.

It was all over the television, newspapers and even the radio. His parents had phoned, and said they just could not go to an small island in the middle of the sea with such impending weather. They were not going to change their minds, and had already canceled their itinerary.

“We are not going to get married without my parents,” firmly stated my fiance, “it is just a bad luck. It is a bad luck to start a life without those immediately important. I won’t do it. I’m Sorry.”

I understood.

After all, I was getting married to a foreign man, in a foreign country, thousands of miles away from those important to me. Somewhere inside me, a voice proclaimed: “Thank You, God!”

Then, it occurred to me. This man had the right to do what he felt he needed to do because he was from a family who not only accepted his foreign new partner but were also welcoming her into their family. I didn’t have such family, unfortunately.

Thousands of miles away, my family were wishing I would change my mind about marrying a man. It is a very sad situation, of course, since I had already changed my gender physically. Why would they hope I would go back to “being” a man? After all that I had gone through?

What I realized was that I had family around me: people who loved me. Friends. Very close friends. And even my partner’s family. I will never forget the day his mother said to me, “I consider you one of my daughters.” I felt such an odd feeling. It must have been love.

My point is, I thought about giving up something so real and so important because of what I was conditioned. I’m conditioned to always seek the approval of a family who does not care for the real me, or who I have always been.

Why, as queer Muslims, do we torture ourselves?

I think it is time we change what we consider family. Family, to me lately, are those who want me in their lives as I'm. If you don't like me, I understand. But you are not my family.

 

*******************

Saleemah is a Muslim (MTF) Transsexual who lives in Marseille, France, with her long-time Muslim boyfriend. You may reach her via info@huriyahmag.com

________________________

HOME